Bulls On Parade to Orchha

The Orchha Outlaws

The Final Ride of 2010.

"MP ajab hai. sabse gajab hai"

Very true. The Bulls on Parade were on their first ever exploration of Central India. They call it the heart of India, but I disagree. The heart does not lie in the belly region. The heart of India is Delhi. This also made me think of other states and their positions but that is not to be discussed here. Nishant and I had been wanting to explore this state for long. We needed to travel on a new highway apart from NH-1, NH-8, NH-10, NH-24. I had an urge to look at the Chambal Ravines up close. They have a very evil reputation. All the more reason for BoP to visit it. We had seen the roads only through train windows. They were narrow but smooth, the surrounding landscape wide open. It would provide a great motorcycling experience.

The season was right. Winter chill was setting in but it was not freezing. The destination chosen was Orchha, 475 kms from Delhi. We could have started with Gwalior, but that can also be covered over a weekend trip. Moreover, by now distances are not too much of a constraint for us as our breakdown chances have been much reduced by the temporary exit of Pravin (Bhai, do excuse, I just could not help it mentioning you here). What did lack was rider counts. Only four riders. If you don't ride because of the weather then you won't ever ride in summers, winters and rains. So the only time left for you is February and November, and thats far too less if you want to stay connected with BoP. What we lacked in count, we made up in enthusiasm. This is attributed to the following:

Vibhor Bhardwaj - Royal Enfield Machismo 500 - Ditcher
Rohan Kaushik - Royal Enfield Classic 500 - Daddu
Vihans Gupta and Rohit Bhatt - Yamaha FZ-16 - Cheenu and Aadu
Diptinder Singh Chhabra - Drowner

24 December 2010

The gathering point was at Badarpur flyover and all of us reached at almost the same time, 5:40 AM. After introductions with the newbie Rohit, we set off. It was still dark. We had planned to follow the "100 kms pitstop" strategy. It had worked very well during the Chittorgarh Run. By the time dawn broke, we had crossed Palwal. Early morning is the only time of the day when you can achieve ripping speeds. Rest of the times, one is left struggling with traffic, dust and pollution.

The speed run continued till we crossed the border into U.P. This was our third state crossing of the day. Two more lay ahead. Vibhor was leading till now and he stopped at Asli Murthal Dhaba. This was closed. The owners were not awake yet. On being asked which dhaba we would eat at, he replied Prakash Dhaba, few meters ahead. This led to the second question as to why he had not stopped there only. This question remains unanswered till date.
Less than a km later, we stopped at Asli Pappu Dhaba. This one had also just opened.

Since the tandoor was not ready, the cook made us tawa parathas. They were well received. Point to note was the butter actually tasted like butter and not the lite thrash. Post breakfast, we crossed Mathura quickly. Right before Agra at Keecham is Sur Sarovar Bird Sanctuary. This can be a place for a BoP-one-day-ride. We reached Agra, only to get stuck in a long jam at Transport Nagar. We needed to take the service road from here, but except for me, everyone had gone over the flyover. Later, Vihans caught up with Rohan and called me up. I guided them to Bhagwaan Talkies. Vibhor's phone was switched off. Later, we learnt his new number had got de-activated outside NCR. We waited for 15 mins for him at the Talkies, sent a message and then proceeded ahead. While crossing Agra, he called up from a PCO and we re-grouped at Gwalior Road.
Now, we were on NH-3.

This was new territory for BoP. And a pleasant one at that. The road condition is excellent, with little traffic. Our blitzkrieg speed of the morning continued here as well. It looked as if we would make it to Orchha before sunset and catch the highly acclaimed sight. But things did not turn out that way.

At Dholpur in Rajasthan, construction activity turned the road dusty. We were showered in it. The next stop was taken only after crossing the city between the Chambal Ravines. It is a captivating sight. In the distance, we could spot a fort. This can be another spot for a weekend ride. At that time, we could not locate the path leading to it, but it was found during the return trip. None of us was carrying any water. The one laid out in front of us at the morning's Dhaba was also returned there. We began to look for water, or a theka so that we could get into the ravines for a break. But, none was found. Its times like these that you wish you should have followed all the instructions mentioned in the mails, me included.

The search for water continued. We northerners have been spoilt by the frequent dhabas on NH-1. They do not occur that frequently on this road. Even the ones that do, are not having bottled water. But finally, we found some at a roadside shop. My clutch wire also broke at this point. It was past noon now. We were 25 kms away from Gwalior. I tried to do the job myself with help of Vihans and Rohan, but could not finish it. Vibhor was some place ahead all this time and still unreachable. Vihans then went back some distance and brought a mechanic. Lucky for me, I had been carrying spare wire as the mechanic did not. The mechanic completed the job and I learnt how to do it completely.

The smooth part of the journey was now over. The rest of the day was going to be a harrowing experience for all of us. As we proceeded, Vihans met with an accident. At a crossing in Banmore, an old couple on a motorcycle was crossing the road. Right in the middle of the path, the man lost his balance and his bike stalled. Vihans didnt have the time to go around him and braked hard. His FZ hit the bike at right angle and both, him and Rohit were sent flying over the fallen couple. I would refer to them as Mausaji and Mausiji from here on. They began to writhe in pain.

A crowd gathered. They pulled the couple and both the bikes to the side of the road. The FZ's headlight had burst. I reached the spot a minute after this and called up Rohan to come back as well. The impact could not have been hard as Vihans was quickly on his feet and there was not a mark on his jacket. Rohit had a wounded arm but it did not look serious. But looking at the old couple, one would have been mistaken. They were flat on the ground as if they had been rammed by a truck. I will be critical of their condition as I know the whole truth. One guy, lets call him Birju, took away the key of the FZ. He said that the couple were his aunt and uncle. The other onlookers were on our side and told Birju to return the key and let us go. But by this time, he had called up the local police station and they arrived in a Jeep. The couple was loaded onto the Jeep and taken to the station. We followed them there with Birju.

The Jeep then left for the local hospital but returned quickly saying that the Doctor was absent. A bit too quickly, in fact. Birju then called up the real relative of the couple, Ajit. He arrived half an hour later. He said the victims were his father and aunt. So much for Birju's claims. The SHO in charge encouraged us to resolve the matter amongst ourselves and submit a No Further Action letter at the station. Now began the long overhauling process of negotiations. At first Ajit seemed to agree to our terms that we would pay for the treatment of the couple and they would submit the letter. Then Mausaji called him towards the Jeep. After that the party began to stall the negotiations. Ajit quoted a figure of 20000. This was appalling. No way could we afford that much. We were ready to pay whatever the treatment required, but certainly no more than that. And no way would the treatment cost that much. There wasn't an Apollo Hospital in sight.

Two hours went past. No progress. It was clear they were stalling the treatment to extract money. The couple was talking perfectly well on our face, but as soon as any of the policemen came close, they began to whine. If my relatives were involved in an accident, my first priority would be their treatment. But this party was fine with waiting in the police Jeep for hours. The police also was not helping. We had to use some other methods. Vihans reached out to his contacts. A very senior officer in Delhi was reached who then called up the SHO. The SHO went inside the station with his phone. We do not know what happened, but when he came out, he began to shout at everybody. He also gave a scolding to the other party to close the matter quickly.

Meanwhile, Birju had left the scene seeing his chances of earning as slim. So much for his relationship. Now, Ajit called for a car to carry the injured to a hospital in Gwalior. He could have gone to Morena also and that was closer. But he still chose Gwalior. The attempts were still not over.

Vibhor called up from a PCO. He had crossed Gwalior and gone ahead 15 kms. When told about the situation, he said he would be waiting at that spot only. The car that Ajit had called arrived one hour later. Since the bikes involved could not be released till the whole matter was resolved, I stayed at the station with Vihans. Rohan and Rohit went with the injured. The hospital they had chosen was deep inside the city. They reached the hospital in over an hour. Finally, the treatment began. The X-Ray came out to be clear. No damage. But Mausaji was still not done. He got Ajit to come with a digital X-Ray recommendation. We relented. We just wanted to get it all over with. The Digital X-Ray showed a hairline fracture that would be healed with 20 days bed rest. Mausiji had ZERO injuries. They were not getting what they had hoped for. Now there was no case.

Meanwhile at the station, Vibhor had been calling up every hour to ask about the situation. I asked him to return to us. So what if he had to return 50 kms. But he chose to wait for us ahead. This was another cross point for us. We had also been in touch with Nishant. When he called up Vihans, I watched some of the tension on his face fade away. Nishant bhai, you may not realise this but that call was very important.

Vihans narrated the demands of the Mausaji to the SHO. But he was of not any help. He kept saying that he would give a thrashing to them when they return, but we knew it was a lie. After the hospital, the victims were dropped at their home in Gwalior and then Ajit and our guys finally reached the station at 8 PM. The demands were still not over. Ajit refused to sign the letter saying we would have to pay for the lost mobile too. He brought out a bill of Rs 4000 dated in 2009. At that point all we wanted was to give a sound bash to him. But we had to restrain ourselves. You simply can't tackle the locals on their land. With the cops not helping, we would be the only ones to suffer. We had suffered enough already. I admired the patience shown by Rohan the most. He was with the guilty party the whole time facing those demands. Now began another round of negotiations. The SHO was smart enough to have slipped out before the party returned. Finally, the matter was closed after an hour. All the trouble just for money. But I'm glad we stood our honest ground. If we had surrendered to all their demands, they would have got bolder and then the demands would have been endless.

Vihans was now without a headlight. He did manage to fix something workable. Vibhor called up to say that he had reached Orchha. This enraged us. But we did not have the energy left to take out our anger. 7 hours of waiting at a Police Station would do that to you. Now came another typical ride phenomenon. We reached a circle on the outskirts of Gwalior. Rohan had slipped some way ahead and Vihans and I took a wrong turn. We travelled some 10 kms before contacting Rohan again and then returned back to the circle. On the correct path, we found Rohan and Rohit at a theka. This was very much the need of the hour. In fact, it had been the quintessential need for the past 7 hours. We bought two whole Old Monks and experienced a genuine M.P. ahaata.

This was the time to let the tension out. Rum was the cure. Three stages follow every traumatic experience. The first one is of relief. In the second stage, you curse the culprits. In the third stage, the experience becomes a subject of humor to be discussed among friends. The third stage is not common to all people. It surely occured in our case. We began abusing Mausaji, Mausiji, Ajit, SHO, the lot. The abusing then shifted to ridiculing. Here comes the humour. When the humour started, there was no end to it. It still goes on and I'm sure it would go on for a very long time.

Amidst all the cursing and laughing, we discussed the locals behaviour too. One man standing behind us (lets call him Lekhak for reasons known only to the Outlaws) started interacting with us. In between random topics he told us that Srinagar has quite lot of lights. It looks like Diwali there. Dont even try to think of any reasoning. These discussions are best understood at the moment.

We had to stay in Gwalior for the night. The road was one laned with a long queue of trucks. This must be a sort of byepass. We had to ride on the train tracks running along the side. Not the broad gauge ones, but the ones that are used by trams. This was a first for BoP. We have ridden on all sorts of terrains but never on train tracks. We needed shelter for the night and Rohan was leading. We ran the entire length of road without finding one. Then Rohan turned back and made us run the entire length again. The third time, he caught an auto driver to lead us into the city. We opted for Hotel Banjara with rooms for Rs 500.

The time was 11 PM now. The hotel did not serve dinner. Vihans and I took the auto to Station Road to get food and cold drinks. Another mode of transportation. Vihans commented, "Auto bahot bade bade hain".

After returning, we continued our BBB session. As usual, I wont be explaining the meaning of BBB. It has to be attended to be understood. By the time we finished, it was 2 AM.

25 December 2010

MERRY CHRISTMAS

It had not been merry for us last night. We had breakfast and set off for Yamaha workshop. The whole headlamp set had to be replaced. One of the shocker legs had been bent and Vihans opted to get the set replaced.

We always figure out a way to utilize our time effectively. We sat in the waiting lounge and took out the unfinished rum. Rohit brought some chips and the party was on.

Now dont start judging us as early morning boozers. It was past noon now. We were good to go at around 2 PM. Vibhor had called up and told us the name of the hotel he was staying in, Hotel Ganpati. He had been taking pictures all day long.

The road from Gwalior to Jhansi is not very good. Its filled with diversions from the main highway which is being four-laned. Once complete, it would be fabulous to ride on. The vast open landscape in front of you is a treat to watch. We had skipped lunch and rode non-stop to Jhansi. Khajuraho is well marked on the sign boards and thats the path to take while crossing Jhansi. Then comes the cut to Orchha. An excellent 8 kms of winding tarmac. We touched Orchha at 5:30 PM. We had reached our destination 24 hours behind schedule. Vibhor was not at the hotel, but he arrived soon. The entrance to the hotel didn't strike our fancy and we looked around for other options. Getting no better one, we checked in there only. A brief visit was paid to the riverside first to see what the place had to offer. The scene was magnificient. I'm guessing this is what Varanasi must also look like, only more populated, bigger and noisier.

First things first, we needed food. Lunch had been skipped in our rush to reach this place. Without wasting time, we sat at Betwa Tarang Rooftop Restaurant. Since no other guests were present and the order was taking some time, we indulged in the next best thing. Rum. Hey, it was after dark and getting cold. We indulged in the medicinal aspect of it. Dinner came in the form of Maharaja Thali. Rohit is in a league of his own and ordered chowmein. The sad part was that there was no non-veg available in the entire town. For the record, we did not confront Vibhor at that table. We did not want to bring more tension. All the discussions were put off till later, after the trip. One thing was apparent that he received less respect than usual from everybody.

We reached back to our rooms to decide on the next course of action. The following day was to be our return date. But we were too exhausted to undertake a 475kms long journey without proper rest. Moreover, the place looked inviting enough to be given some time for exploration. It was decided to extend the trip by another day. Now, we had ample time on our hands to spoil ourselves. We started with going to the riverside with rum and chips.

A joyful session followed. Time was forgotten. Some of the quotable quotes that happened were "Cattles", "Zebra Crossing". I can sense the Outlaws grinning on seeing these quotes. Vihans was having his own fun with a whistle he found in a Crax pack.

26 December 2010

Next day we woke up lazily. It was the only time we had proper sleep during this entire trip. We had a lazy breakfast. Unfortunately, Rohit did not get to eat pancakes here. We stepped out to explore the Fort. A guide was hired for Rs 150. Later we saw female guides too. Hard Luck. We had to listen to an unshaven, ugly man telling stories on the Fort's origins. He told us on how the place came to be known as Orchha. Orchha meaning a "shoo" command to hunting dogs. That was the first word that came out of the King's mouth and hence the name as per a priest's prophecy. This was later proved as a lie when we saw the Sound and Light show.

The two palaces in between the Fort are grand. Raja Mahal and Jahangir Mahal. The first is known for the artwork inside it, the second for its architecture. I liked the guide's narration of the different avatars of Lord Vishnu inside Raja Mahal. The Jahangir Mahal was visited later. It had taken 22 years to build it, but Emperor Jahangir stayed here for only one day. The palace was closed after this. This palace is a blend of Mughal and Hindu architecture. It provided lots of photographic opportunities on the upper two storeys, especially two huge vultures on top of a dome.

As the tour ended, we took some refreshments at the Lonely Planet recommended Bhola Restaurant. Every other restaurant had Lonely Planet tag on it. The taste was just not worth it. Now, we rode on to the nearest theka to pick up supplies for the future. It was 8 kms away. A whole crate of beer was picked up along with one bottle of rum. Variety included Vasco and Cox 10000. It should also be mentioned that beer in M.P. is pronounced as "veer". The reason being, "beer to bhaaloo hota hai" and you can't drink a bear. Since we had to leave early next morning, it was better not to drink too much that night. Vihans got snacks packed from the ahaata.
There is a stone bridge in Orchha. Then theres another similar bridge 7 kms ahead inside the Forest Reserve. It was here that we were headed with our stockpile. This one is a lot less crowded.


We took our refreshments next to the Betwa river. The setting was just perfect. We have a weakness for water. We really cant resist not having a dip whatever the weather may be. And so, Rohan and I entered the river. One by one the others also took the plunge. The mood started to brighten up.

And then I did something stupid. Rohan was encouraging me to cross the river's breadth. The distance did not look like much also. I took the bait. Rohan reached the other side quickly. I could not. My limbs grew tired and I was dipping underneath. I tried to get a footrest on the stones underneath but they were too slippery. Rohan was asking if he should come to the rescue. Man's ego can only last for a short time in matters of life and death. And I let out a cry for help. Rohan was quickly by my side and escorted me to the shore. I was panting. Maybe it was the false start, maybe it was the beer, but those are simply no excuses for the stupid reaction. I should not have done it.

This was the second traumatic experience of the ride. I was in the first stage of recovery. Relief. I just sat there for a long time sucking in air. Now came the matter of going back to the other side. Rohan could just swim across. I had to take the long route via the bridge in my Speedos, bare footed with busloads of people overtaking me. Here came the humour. Moreover, there was a large gathering on this side of the river cooking their food. The other guys were naughty enough to click me in that pose. Embarassing was an understatement. It sure was a much-deserved punishment.

I was pardoned from all the needling on returning. The Outlaws did not give it to me even though I deserved it. I got dressed. We hung around for another half hour finishing the beer and then started to make our way back. Rohit was in a very jovial mood now, running and jumping. On reaching back to the city, he realized he had left his mobile behind. Rohan took him back while we took some tea and pakodas. We had just made it at the time of sunset. The view looked magnificient.
After parking the machines back at the hotel, we went for the Sound and Light show in the Fort. It depicted the entire history of the Bundelas. A set of valiant people, they were. Many victories. It also punched a lot of holes into the guide's narration. We should have bought him a ticket too.


We did not want to go back to Betwa Tarang. Vibhor suggested Dena's cafe, another Lonely Planet recommendation. But it was closed. So we settled for Open Sky restaurant. Rum was smuggled in secretly and coke was quickly ordered. This was our last BBB session at Orchha. The food ordered was Pizza, burger, fried rice. Everything was floating in oil. We had not eaten a good meal here since our arrival. Another instance to be mentioned here is that a French tourist at the neighbouring table mistook Vihans as the waiter as he was walking around. This was a source of much laughter for us and will be for many days to come.

27 December 2010

Our return day. Woke up at 5 AM and we were good to go at 6:15. Tanks were filled up before entering Jhansi. Rohan completed an important agenda of the ride midway between Jhansi and Gwalior by dumping in the open. This has been a long running tradition of our rides and Nishant had been actively following this. In his absence, Rohan picked up the baton.

On reaching Gwalior, we had to repeatedly ask for directions towards Agra. Strangely, we were guided towards almost the same route from where we headed to Jhansi. Something is wrong with that city. We stopped at Indian Coffee House for breakfast near the railway station. The food consisted of masala dosas, vada sambhars and poori masala. The masala did not look admirable.

We crossed Gwalior and then the dreaded Banmore Police Station. If looks could kill then our looks nuked the whole place. Close to Dholpur, we moved our motorcycles into the ravines.
Unfortunately, not many thekas exist on this highway too. All that we had with us was some leftover rum. Still, something is better than nothing. Vibhor and Rohan went deeper to dump some more. We found a scenic spot where a trickle of water was flowing.

Dholpur was as dusty as ever. Closer to Agra we reached a byepass. This stretch is still not complete but motorcycles can still pass. It led us through and excellent road on the side of a dried canal to Rumnata. On touching NH-2, we stopped for lunch.

Vibhor, Rohan and I opted to have Bullet beer. I was expecting to find some other brand. The food was also more tasteful than what we had tasted till now though not upto the Murthal standards.

The blitzkrieg pace was back. We crossed Mathura and Kosi in good time. Then I noticed a familiar looking i10. It was my colleague, Neelesh Jain. He was accompanied by two more people. I gave him a loud comment while overtaking. Also gave him a finger. His look was blank. Later, came to know that he had not recognized me.

Our group split into two at Palwal. Vibhor and I headed towards Sohna. His headlight had gone bust and it was dark. It was a lovely ride through the villages. The roads were in great shape and being night time, there was no traffic. We enjoyed the winter chill till Gurgaon and then parted.
With that BoP had completed its first ever exploration of Central India. M.P. is really "ajab". The places of interest are wonderful. The roads are not too great. As for the people, our experience had not been good. Maybe, it would be better in the future.

JAI BoP !!!!