The Bulls on Parade Anniversary

The Bulls on Parade First Anniversary. It was an occassion that until six months back, didn't seem possible. The strength was not increasing. Instead, there was attrition. Each decision was shrouded in controversies. All the typical things that a motorcycle club experience. But, slowly developments started taking shape. The logo was finalized. Stickers and T-shirts were being completed. What started as a gathering of 5 motorcyclists on a roadside dhaba on a chilly November evening was now a club establishing itself. Though, the numbers are still small, but the enthusiasm of the members is much larger.
So, on the auspicious occassion of Pushkar Fair, the club decided to celebrate its anniversary. It seemed so befitting to celebrate at the place dedicated to The Creator, Brahma. On an early, cold November 7th morning at 5 AM, 6 motorcyclists gathered at the usual meeting place, Leisure Valley Park. The number would have been larger had it not been for the CAT exam and numerous weddings around the corner. All the confirmed people reached on time, by 5:15 AM, except for Viks who turned up at 5:50 AM. This was due to his prank and it seemed that we would have a sweet revenge. Tsering informed that he would be catching us up later on since, he had just woken up. Sunny took out his camcorder and Chadha gave a hilarious account of the weather conditions and the grand occasssion.
So, we started off as soon as we could. The motorcycles were already fuelled, except again for Viks. He was short on fuel. On crossing Manesar, the temperature dropped further. I was not prepared for this and although was wearing a thermal, it was inadequate in protection. The NH-8 has always been a delight for ripping. Soon, we were at speeds of 80+ kph. Even Chadha was moving at 75 kph, though he never traverses 60. Some 40 minutes later, we stopped and waited for Viks, who was not to be seen. A good 20 minutes later, he arrived. The petrol had ran out and he had to push his machine for some distance to the petrol pump. When all were together, we set off again.
Cruising for 40 minutes more, we saw an accident on the road. An Alto had collided with a truck. Che was some distance ahead, as usual, and he was at the site of another accident, a rollover truck. The Alto had a family with a baby, and we stopped to see if they needed any help. Noticing, they were shaken, but not injured, we carried on. Tsering caught up with us here. By now, my hands were chilled to the core and shaking badly. We stopped at the nearest place, Rao Dhaba and ordered parathas and tea. The saddest part was there was no makkhan. The substitute was dahi. Discussing the road ahead, Sunny and Che doubted my master-navigational skills and said that the cut for Ajmer from Jaipur would come on the right. I had said left. We left that for later confirmation.
Chadha gave me his extra pair of gloves. By now, even the sun was up, so the worst was over. Now was the time for a long ride. We were still a long way from Jaipur. So, breaks were shortened and a good 2 hours later, we reached Jaipur byepass. The cut was indeed to the left, although ultimately, it did travel to the right. Viks applied his "straight-forward" approach and went towards Jaipur, missing the cut. He returned a few minutes later from the wrong side. Some time later, Chadha and Tsering also joined up.
If you can term the road between Gurgaon and Jaipur to be "makkhan", then the road between Jaipur and Ajmer is pure desi ghee. It would take electric chains to restrict someone from speeding here. Throttles opened wide and we were ripping ahead. We covered some great distance here. Rajiv was being bugged by his office at this time and he had to take a conference call. So, we decided to pit stop at 12:30 at Kundan Karan restaurant. Sunny and Tsering didnt see this and raced straight ahead. So while Rajiv attended to his office business, Chadha, Che, Viks and I busied ourselves with gorging on Rajasthani food. Gatta sabzi, really good dal, paneer, naan and bajra rotis. Meanwhile, contact was established with Sunny. They had reached Duddu by now and would wait at Cafe Coffee Day, 73 kms before Ajmer.
One hour later, with some difficulty cause of heavy stomachs, we left the dhaba. Half an hour of ripping, we caught up with Sunny and Tsering. Chadha was the one to ride straight on this time. By now, the temperature was high and some coolant was necessary. We exitted the expressway at Kishangarh and now were on a single road towards Ajmer. Che stopped at the first theka. Chilled Kingfishers soothed parched throats. Knowing that Pushkar was a dry area, we picked up some stuff for our stay there too. It was accompanied with a warning for police-checks.
We reached the spot where the road turns towards Pushkar. Chadha was waiting here. Now, the road narrowed, but it was still smooth. 15 kms and a police-check later, we arrived at Pushkar. I was running low on fuel so went on straightaway to the only Petrol pump. Viks followed me. This took a while and by the time, we got back, the others had already reached the hotel. Chadha had done the booking beforehand, thankfully. So, Viks and I were left with the task of locating the hotel ourselves. My phone was also not working. After roaming through many of Pushkar's alleys and many enquiries later, we arrived at Hotel Oasis.
The others were at the rooftop taking pics of sunset. We decided to bathe later, even though we were dressed in kilos of dust, and headed for the Ghats on foot. It was dark by the time we reached there and the ghats were decorated in so many glittering lights and diyas. We sat there soaking the sounds of temple prayers and relishing the inner peace. Its times like these that make you question whether the daily struggle you live in, is really worth it.
Moving on, we roamed the streets of Pushkar. Tasted the most delicious malpua. There was a program of local artistes at 7 PM, so we started to make our way to the grounds. Everyone we asked said that the mela ground can be accessed from two ways. Somehow, after many circles we reached the mela ground. Barricades marked the sitting area of tourists away from the local crowd. The area was filled with foreign tourists, unfortunately, of the elder kind, although there were a few gems to be found in-between. Che asked a guard if we could sit inside the protected area, to which the guard x-rayed him from head to toe, and agreed.
The announcer was funny and when the show started, it surely was not for us motorcyclists to enjoy. Che reckoned that he could dance better, a fact that we didnt object. Soon, we got bored and decided to head back to the hotel. Sunny was quick in getting the seating arrangement ready and Tsering was as fast to get the Old Monk out. Soon, the council meeting began. The waiter, Satpal(a.k.a. Sattu) was hilarious. He injected his puns whenever, we ordered something. The night went long amid the sounds from the nearby temples that just wouldn't stop. They must have gone on throughout the night. And we thought that Che was a chatterbox. Thanks to Sattu, dinner was served in the room. Tsering tried his luck talking to the tourists, using a different stunt each time.
In the night, Sunny also chose to sleep in the central room as no one can sleep besides the roaring turbines of Viks. Early next morning, Viks had to leave for home owing to personal reasons. After some Israeli breakfast, Che and Chadha left for the mela grounds to see the camel race. Tsering had some official work to be done over the internet, the work that should have been done last night. So, he stayed back at the hotel. Half an hour later, Rajiv, Sunny and I also reached the grounds. The camel race was missed by all owing to its short duration. But, we were in time to see some pseudo-horse dance, the camel dance and the real-horse dance. The event took place in a small enclosure and it must have been hell for the front seated people as the camels and horses swung dirt on them. The heat was also rising. The horse dance was much better to watch with some interesting stunts.
After the day's events were over, Che, Chadha and I went to the cattle ground. There were hordes of camel and horse traders camped in the field. This was the sight that Pushkar is known for. Deals were struck in massive numbers there. Chadha also tried his hands on a deal here. He enquired about the gas balloon ride and found it to be Rs 12000 for two hours. Sadly, he passed otherwise it would have been the deal to beat all Pushkar deals. Finding nothing else to do in the afternoon, we returned to the hotel. Sunny, Chadha and Che went for a dip in the pool. Tsering was still occupied in his work. Rajiv went for a rest in his room. I accompanied the bathing beauties and just lounged around the pool. Also planned the place to have lunch.
All of us went for lunch at the Rainbow Restaurant that offers a lovely view of the ghats. This place was chosen also because of the famed falafels. The owner described them as "dal ke pakode" to us laymen. After a not-so-filling lunch, we went to the Brahma temple. Looking at the crowd, we passed on entering the temple. While returning, we had another round of the delicious malpuas. Married riders got gifts for their spouses while the singles shopped for themselves. We also went to the gurudwara and had a nice view of the sunset. The group splitted on what to do next with Rajiv, Sunny and Tsering going for a ride on their motorcycles, while the rest of us went back to the ghats, soaking the serenity.
The calendar for the evening constituted Indian Bride competition. Nobody expected much from that event, so Che and Chadha went to see the circus. Sunny had brought another Old Monk with him and was eager to start the council meeting. I went to see the bride competition alone. Surprisingly, the entries were all visitors. And funnily, there was no curtain on the stage, so all could see the choreographer giving them instructions. Bored out, I returned to join Sunny and Tsering for the meeting. An hour later, Che and Chadha also arrived. The drinks and dinner was finished quickly. As the next day was the return trip, most retired for the night. Blessed by the Ancient "Monk", Sunny, Tsering and I opted to ride out in the middle of the night. At that time of the night, the streets were fairly empty and it was great fun to ride. We realized that all the roads ultimately reached back to the same place. Thats how small the town is.
Next day, all were ready to leave Pushkar. We tried to have breakfast at the nearby hotel, but realized it was nonsense to do so. So, we bade farewell to Pushkar, deciding to stop for breakfast on the way. After travelling some 15 kms, we stopped for parathas at a fairly, new dhaba The place was nice, far from everything. Surprisingly, there was no butter here too. We all joked that this must have been the real reason that Viks left a day early. Chadha got busy in calculating the expenses for the trip. After some chilly parathas with dahi, we started again.
Chadha was the most excited one during the return trip. He rode non-stop all the way to his home to Delhi and reached at 5 PM. Tsering was following him, but then decided to tag along with the rest of us, and so waited for 2.5 hours at a dhaba after Behror. The rest had a bland lunch at a small dhaba. There was no salt in it. Signs to show that we were leaving Rajasthan. By now, it was getting dark and traffic was also getting heavier. It was difficult to keep together. I missed when they stopped some time in Dharuhera. But then, all of us again regrouped at the starting point. Leisure valley Park. Final goodbyes exchanged, the anniversary was well celebrated.

The Stig: Some Say....

1. 
   
   Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. All we know is, he's called the Stig.


2. 
   
   Some say he's wanted by the CIA, and that he sleeps upside down like a bat... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


3. 
   
   Some say that he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue... we know him only, as the Stig.


4. 
   
   Some say he is illegal in 17 U.S. states, and he blinks this way [motioning his fingers in a horizontal fashion]... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


5. 
   
   Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he's scared of bells... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


6. 
   
   Some say he naturally faces magnetic north, and that all of his legs are hydraulic... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


7. 
   
   Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


8. 
   
   Some say that his heart ticks like a watch, and that he's confused by stairs... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


9. 
   
   Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


10. 
    
    Some say that he's terrified of ducks, and that there's an airport in Russia named after him... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


11. 
    
    Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin's, and that where ever you are in the world, if you tune your radio to 88.4, you can actually hear his thoughts... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


12. 
    
    Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish delight... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


13. 
    
    Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


14. 
    
    Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire, he'd burn for a thousand days... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


15. 
    
    Some say he can swim seven lengths under water, and he has webbed buttocks... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


16. 
    
    Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


17. 
    
    Some say that his ears aren't exactly where you'd expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with John Prescott... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


18. 
    
    Some say he has a digital face, and that if he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


19. 
    
    Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci Code in 43 seconds... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


20. 
    
    Some say his ears have a paisley lining, and he's been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


21. 
    
    Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring, and that if you give him a really important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


22. 
    
    Some say he invented Branston Pickle, and that if you insult his mother, he will head-butt you in the chest... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


23. 
    
    Some say that on really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason, he's allergic to the Dutch... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


24. 
    
    Some say that his first name really is "The," and that if he went on Celebrity Love Island, they'd all be pregnant including the camera men... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


25. 
    
    Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and long before anyone else, he realized that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs... [the audience applauds wildly and Jeremy pauses for a short moment]... [laughing] all we know is, he's called the Stig.


26. 
    
    Some say that he once had a vicious knife fight with Anthea Turner, and that he is in no way implicated in the cash for honours scandal... all we know is, he's called Lord Stig!


27. 
    
    Some say that he's a CIA experiment gone wrong, and that he only eats cheese... all we know is, he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's American cousin!


28. 
    
    Some say that if you lick his chest, it tastes exactly the same as piccalilli, and that at this week's Brit awards, he was arrested for goosing Russell Brand... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


29. 
    
    Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and that his crash helmet is modelled on Britney Spears' head... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


30. 
    
    Some say he isn't machine washable, and all his potted plants are called Steve... all we know is, he's called the Stig.


31. 
    
    Some say that his scrotum has its own small gravity field, and that because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name. All we know is, he's called Cuddles.


32. 
    
    Some say that he's banned from the town of Chichester, and that in a recent late-night deal, he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh. All we know is, he's called the Stig.


33. 
    
    Some say that he gets terrible eczema on his helmet, and that if he'd been the video referee at the World Cup Rugby Final, he'd have seen 'of course it was a try you blind Australian half-wit'! All we know is, he's called The Stig.


34. 
    
    Some say he's seen The Lion King 1780 times, and that his second best friend is a cape buffalo... all we know is, he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's African cousin.


35. 
    
    Some say that to unlock him, you have to run your finger down his face, like this (runs his finger down the face of an audience member standing nearby), and that if he was getting divorced from Paul McCartney, he'd keep his stupid whiney mouth shut! All we know is, he's called The Stig.


36. 
    
    Some say that he thought Star Wars was a documentary, and that he recently pulled out of I'm A Celebrity because he is scared of trees... and Australia... and Koo Stark... and Ant... and Dec. All we know is, he's called the Stig.


37. 
    
    Some say that he knows 2 facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong. And that 61 years ago he accidentally introduced Her Majesty The Queen to a Greek racialist. All we know is, I'm going to the tower now to have my head cut off, and he is called The Stig.


38. 
    
    Some say that when he slows down brake lights come on in his buttocks, and that if he'd been the manager of the England football squad last week, he wouldn't have been a feckless ginger gum-chewing buffoon who ruined it for all of us. All we know is, he's called The Stig.


39. 
    
    Some say that he once lost a canoe on a beach in the north-east, and that he once did some time in a prison in Canterbury, because his teddy is called The Baby Jesus. All we know is, he's called the Stig.


40. 
    
    Some say that as we speak he is actually relaxing in the resort pool, and he is, he is actually.


41. 
    
    Now for this race, I shall pilot the little remote control car, because to get the best out of the G-Wiz for this test, it needs to be controlled by our finest driver: someone who has never sat on Santa's knee; someone who's never watched Moonraker on Boxing Day. [Which was indeed shown three days later on Boxing day by the BBC's main rivals ITV]


42. 
    
    Some say that after making love, he bites the head off his partner. And that he's had to give up binge drinking now that it's gone to one pound eighteen to a litre. All we know is, he's called The Stig.


43. 
    
    Some say that each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman's nipples, and that he thinks that "credit-crunch" is some kind of a breakfast cereal. All we know is, he's called The Stig.


44. 
    
    Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York. And that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is, he's called The Stig!


45. 
    
    Some say that he is not allowed, by law, within 100 yards of Lorraine Kelly, and that he's never seen an episode of Top Gear, because he's a huge fan of Midsomer Murders! All we know is, he's called Bergerac!


46. 
    
    Some say it's impossible for him to wear socks, and he can open a beer bottle with his testes! All we know is, he's called The Stig.


47. 
    
    Some say that he sleeps inside out, and that he once had full sex with Russell Brand's answering machine. All we know is, he's called The Stig.


48. 
    
    Some say that he invented November. And that if he had won the World Championship in Brazil last weekend, there might have been one photograph of him without his father, girling in the back-up shot. All we know is, he's called The Stig. (reference to Lewis Hamilton's father)


49. 
    
    Some say that one of his eyes is a teste. And that he was turned down for I'm a celebrity because people have heard of him. All we know is he's called The Stig!


50. 
    
    Some say one of his legs get longer when he sees a pretty lady. And that I haven't done one of these for some time and I've forgotten to make up a second thing. All we know is he's called The Stig!


51. 
    
    Some say that he doesn't like to get his helmet wet. A point that was proved last week when he was caught in the back of shot by an eagle-eyed viewer. [The Stig is shown in the background under a yellow umbrella during one of Boris Johnson's practice laps]. All we know is, he's called The Stig!


52. 
    
    Some say he invented the curtain, and that he recently submitted a £20,000 expenses claim for some gravel...for his moat. All we know is, he's called the Stig.


53. 
    
    Some say, he has twelve GCSEs, all in Domestic Science. And that he has been producing artificial sperm for years. Even though we have repeatedly asked him not to. All we know is, he's called The Stig.


54. 
    
    Some say, that on Thursdays he becomes incredibly bulbous. And that recently pigs in Mexico started to die of something called "Stig flu". All we know is, he's highly contagious!


55. 
    
    Some say, that he cut that man's hair [pointing at the man in audience].


56. 
    
    Some say that in the autumn, all his arms go brown and fall off. And that if he wrote you a letter of condolence, he would at least get your name right. All we know is, he's called the Stog.


57. 
    
    Some say that he has some terrible plans involving the moon. And that he was turned down for a place on I'm a Celebrity because he is one.


58. 
    
    Some say his new Christmas range of fragrances includes the great smell of Wednesday. And that he was turned down for the job of EU President, because his face is just too recognisable. All we know is he's called The Stig!


59. 
    
    Some say that you shouldn't go round to his house for your Christmas lunch unless you enjoy the great taste of seagull. And that the reason he always wears a helmet is because a man once smashed him in the face with a model of Salisbury Cathedral. All we know is, he's called the Stig.


60. 
    
    Some say that his discharge is luminous, and that even as we speak, he is appearing on the main stage at Glastonbury performing his most famous hit, Superstition. All we know is, he's called the Stig!


61. 
    
    Some say there are 17 different reasons why he's banned from the Northampton branch of Little Chef, and that his favorite airline pilot is Mark Webber. Two actually, all we know of course, he's the Stig!


62. 
    
    Some say that if you hold him in the wrong way he doesn't work properly. (laughter) And that just recently, he developed an irrational hatred of Rubens Barichello. All we know is he's called the Stig.


63. 
    
    Some say that he spent all week daydreaming about what Rubens Barrichello would look like in a ham slicer. [laughter] And that he's terrified the BBC will reveal his salary, because he's paid in strong pornography. All we know is, he's called the Stig!


64. 
    
    Some say the Scottish released him a little bit too soon. (crowd laughs) And that he spent all week pushing an effigy of Rubens Barrichello through his desk fan. All we know is, he's called the Stig!


65. 
    
    Some say he's recently been releasing pop records under the pseudonym "Lady Gaga", and that under his racing suit, he also wears a red g-string and suspenders. All we know is, he's called the Stig!